LONGBOURNE HIGH SCHOOL’S ALTERNATIVE NEWSPAPER
This week’s edition has a new feature: an advice column presented by our own Georgia Barrett and Michael Endicott, offering “he says/ she says” advice to the lovelorn and otherwise troubled. Send us your questions and we’ll answer them!
Dear Alt Advice People:
My boyfriend is not a vegetarian and I am. Can we ever share a meal together?
- Tofu Rocks
Georgia: First, congrats on making the ethical choice. I think you should win him over with vegan cookies. Boys seems to love cookies (who doesn’t?) and you can show him how easy it is to eat something delicious and nonthreatening that does not require butter or eggs or other animal parts. He’ll probably never notice your cookies are “veg”, and then you can try some tofu nuggets. With fries. And lots of barbecue sauce.
Michael: You eat what you eat and let him eat what he eats. If you like him why do you want to change him? If you’re not a total vegan, you can guys can at least go out for pizza and get half with just cheese and veggies and the other half with meaty goodness.
Georgia: Michael fails to recognize exactly how gross it is when the fatty oil from the pepperoni oozes over and contaminates the veggie side. Order two smalls.
Dear Alt Advice People:
I hate my math class and I am pretty sure I’ll never need to recognize a cosine outside of that classroom. How can I get through a whole year of it without being bored to death?
Georgia: Doodle. That’s what I do. And send any good drawing to The Alt because we need a cartoonist!
Michael: Suck it up. Boredom is not fatal. (But if you’re bored because you’re actually lost and confused, then you should get a tutor).
Georgia: Have you checked with your counselor about whether you absolutely need the class to graduate? Or for your college major? Maybe you can get out of it.
Michael: The year is half over. You’re halfway through it, so don’t give it up now. See it through and don’t limit your choices later on. You don’t want to decide five years from now that you want to be an accountant but you’re way behind in math credits.
Georgia: No one who hates math that much is ever going to be an accountant.
Michael: Do you want to be a cartoonist? Because tuning out of class to doodle when you should be taking notes is not going to lead anywhere else.
Georgia: I don’t even know what a cosine is, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be okay. You will, too.
Thank for all for dropping by! Pick up your copy of Snark and Circumstances today!